A Breath of Fresh Air

I'll admit it. I've slinked away from the rest of the world. I've had a permanent scowl, ready with snappy remarks and armed with a pint sized fuse. I've spent hours cursing in the middle of the night, mornings groaning over being dragged from my warm bed and evenings bitching over fatigue, vomit, laundry, unemployment, and everything in between.

Yesterday, I spent the entire afternoon working and playing outside with E and my mom. Flowers were planted, patio furniture was cleaned, landscaping was done and a short horseback ride was thrown in there for E. We came in with our cheeks glowing from the sun, our feet wet from the hose and our fingers black from dirt. They came in hungry and tired. I came in renewed and refreshed.

The tight quarters, the craming our lives into two bedrooms, the walking on eggshells . . . it all gets washed away with the scrubbing away of the dirt. I may get out of the house every day, to the store or another parent's house or the park, but I never escape anymore. The yard is not mine, and when it is, there's no shade for the baby. I have not spent hours wandering up and down the aisles at a nursery, carefully planning the locations for vegetables and annuals. None of my pots are overflowing with my favorite blooms.

Yesterday was the turning point. I've carved my space. The baby was safe and cool and shaded with M. Vegetables are on the horizon and pots are ready for the perfect blooms.

I've found my joy again.

I woke up this morning ready to start over.

And all it took was a sunburn and some dirt.